On a crisp fall, rainy, and cloudy day just like today; we can escape to a little place I know. Short drive through the small quaint puddled filled roads of Folsom, California. Past the oak trees is a quick right entrance by a shady motel and opposite a prominent bank; sandwiched between. I’ll park on the side entrance of the Tea Hee Bar and Bowl. Once we make our way into a side door, for employees only; it’ll take a minute for your eyes to adjust from the light or lack thereof.
In fact, it’s better if you can just see in the dark, because there’s barely any light and very few windows. The glow from the neon lights we’ll make our way. Let me introduce to you a legend in her own right, and our buxom server for this needed escape. “Peach”, will serve you up a drink of merriment and drop a story like the flaming doctor pepper’s she famously poured.
Surprise: there’s actually no Dr. Pepper in this drink, nor does it have as much alcohol as the other famous elixirs of fire spirits. Hefty amount of amaretto in a large glass of beer and enough rum 151 to make a flame, and here’s where I came in. I was your flame that lit the concoction, but internally and for all eternity never imbibed. I’m allergic to beer and cannot stand the taste!
You might take a double, when you gaze upon Peach. No one knows her real name, but she went by the color she wore as a Playboy bunny at the famous Playboy mansion. She wore a peach bunny suit, puffy tail and all. Spitting image of Barbra Eden from I Dream of Jeanie, and many occasions I saw her as my genie. She was beautiful with a long blonde ponytail and a dazzling smile. Her voice always bright and so high pitched!
The Playboy Mansion (West) is an almost 22,000 square foot Gothic Tudor. “The mansion has 29 rooms including a wine cellar (with a Prohibition-era secret door), a screening room with built-in pipe organ, a game room, three zoo / aviary buildings (and related pet cemetery), a tennis/basketball court, a waterfall and a swimming pool area (including a patio and barbecue area, a grotto, a basement gym with sauna below the bathhouse).” “In January 2016, the Playboy Mansion was listed for sale by Playboy Enterprises, Inc. for the asking price of $200 million, subject to the condition Hefner be allowed to continue to rent the mansion for life.”
Hugh’s girlfriend at the time said it was out of date and stale, plus with the whiff of urine, decay, and disarray; doesn’t sound appealing, glamourous, or enticing one bit. It sold for a measly 100 mill. “In March 2018, Daren Metropoulos, the owner of the Playboy Mansion, entered into an agreement with the City of Los Angeles which permanently protects the mansion from demolition.” Used for private (corporate) functions now, and less bunnies running around.
“Honey, I’m so glad you came to see me,” Peach said, as she pours a Shirley Temple. A Shirley Temple is a non-alcoholic mixed drink traditionally made with ginger ale and a splash of grenadine, garnished with a slew of maraschino cherries, for my liking. Modern Shirley Temple recipes may substitute lemon-lime soda or lemonade. Shirley Temples are often served to children dining with adults in lieu of real cocktails, as are the similar Roy Rogers and Arnold Palmer. Now called mocktails!
“Famed for her beautiful blonde ringlets, Shirley Temple had already been acting for an impressive seven years when the drink was created in 1932”. It was Shirley’s birthday, at the Chasen’s restaurant in Beverley Hills, where she complained that she wanted a “fancy drink” like the one’s the adults were drinking, complete with the cherry. She was presented with a non-alcoholic; a super sweet combination of ginger ale and grenadine, topped with the all-important maraschino cherry. Shirley reportedly doesn’t remember this story and thinks the drink “icky”.
“Shirley Temple, the first major child star in Hollywood, became famous worldwide without the use of social media.” “She was the epicenter of an entertainment empire before she started kindergarten and earned the equivalent of tens of millions of dollars before she was a teenager.” For whatever reason I get Shirley MacLaine and Shirley Temple confused. Maybe that’s where the Dirty Shirley Temple stirred from. That means a shot of vodka added to your innocence. Did you know Shirley MacLaine and Warren Beatty are siblings?
Anywho, I will order us two Dirty Shirley’s, and we’ll cheers to both! MacLaine has written several books on spirituality, metaphysics, and believes in reincarnation. I’m thinking as coming back as her; next round, or Peach! Go out on a limb and drink up! The glamourous stories she translated to me, while tending to customers, and stocking the bar, and doing dishes, and singing Blondie’s (“Call Me”) for Karaoke, I will never forget.
As the evening wears on and the music is increasing in volume; friends enter and pack the booths for a tune, a spirit, and a game of darts or pool. I will break! Nine ball (Game originated 1920’s) corner pocket; always call your shots! That’s just good advice in general.
“This schnapps is just what the doctor ordered for you, soldier. One glass cheers your spirit, two make you love the world, three knock you flat,” Stefan Heym, The Lenz Papers. “The German term Schnaps refers to any kind of strong alcoholic drink, similar to how eau de vie (water of life) is used in French, aguardiente (burning water) in Spanish, or aguardente Portuguese.” “The word Schnaps stems from Low German and is related to the German term “schnappen“, meaning “snap”, which refers to the spirit usually being consumed in a quick slug from a small glass (i.e., a shot glass).”
“Snap out of it!” I heard Peach, preach as she slung some more “purple hooters” and “stiff dicks” my way. A purple hooter is a quick shooter. Stir the vodka, raspberry liqueur and lime juice together with ice. Strain into a shot glass and serve! This shooter is sometimes called the purple “kamikaze” and might arguably be the most popular three ingredient hooter combination used. Later you can float away with 1/2 oz Butter Shots and 1/2 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream, called a “stiff dick”. I served so many by the end of the night, I was asking for a “purple dick”. Closing time must be at hand; 2 am.
In the late ninety’s music like the butthole surfers were blaring from a jukebox along with copious shots of “Sex on the Beach”. Seems, the more inflammatory or outrageous the names of bands or drinks, meant popularity and cha-ching for the cash register. There’s lore that a bartender in Florida created the drink to promote a peach schnapps, but The Sex on the Beach cocktail is known as much for its provocative name as its fruity, refreshing taste. To that mixologists chagrin, the drink had already been named in the 1982 “American Bartenders School Guide to Drinks.”
“While no one can agree where the drink originated, many suggest the cocktail may have been invented when a bartender combined a Fuzzy Navel (peach schnapps and orange juice) with a Cape Codder (vodka and cranberry juice).” “Put those two drinks together, and all the constituent parts of the Sex on the Beach are accounted for”. “Some recipes also call for a small measure of crème de cassis, but that is usually considered optional.”
“The Sex on the Beach was a mainstay of 1980s and 1990s cocktail menus, and though it fell out of favor during the ensuring craft cocktail renaissance, it’s still a popular call at beach bars and a favorite among vacationers.” “Last Call!” Peach poured the last of the Goldschlager; clear liqueur with gold leaf flakes. Has a hot bite! Spicy, cinnamon aromas with alcohol vapors. Sweet, syrupy quality with very marked flavors will linger. Swiss cinnamon schnapps, 43.5% alcohol by volume or 87 proof; originally it was 53.5% alcohol or 107 proof.
“One more for the road”, the regulars all chime in. Oddly, “they” mean, throwing one back before they climb into a 7-ton vehicle and drive home, to rekindle more drinking way into the night. The party must go on and here is that shot of Jägermeister you ordered. “Bottoms-up”! Much like revenge, liqueur’s; better served iced cold.
As I wipe down the tables and polish the glasses; the ears hear tail ends, broken relationships, and couples romancing from the stones. Wheels and deals all happening while we drink up the memories of the past. Drowning our sorrows and drinking up those hopes for a better tomorrow. Peach would ask me to play, “happy tunes”. Her boy-toy a friend of mine from high school, would show up every night in his jeep, to whisk his Hollywood starlet, “home” for the night. The short-lived flame went down in a blaze of glory, mainly the generation gap, but mostly because he didn’t know music.
I don’t meddle in anyone’s love-life; better to leave that to the souls intertwined. Better to keep my nose clean, and thusly I am an excellent keeper of secrets. Peach had another life and because of my discretion; I was invited to her ranch and visits to her horse sanctuary. She wanted me to marry rich, her words. We shared lively debates to the contrary. I believe in love, and I would never enter matrimony with ulterior motives. In fact, never enter any contract, you feel otherwise about. Intention is everything and if you want a good/pleasant outcome, better to enter a contract sober, willfully, and knowledgeable.
Why can’t, we as women, have everything? Marry for love, and love only! You won’t regret it, nor will you have to compromise yourself, your beliefs, your future, or your integrity. If, this isn’t possible; better to admit now. Come to terms today, and the once shrouded road, will become clearer. Obstacles will retreat from your sight and the path will become open access.
A thousand drinks and a thousand songs later; I paid an Irish farewell to the Tea Hee Bar and Peach, never to return. Those memories are in a vault along with so many laughs, pictures, and moments. Once in a while a song will recapture my thoughts and take me right to the Tea Hee Bar. I hope you have a watering hole to escape too. Moderation is key! You can always have mine.
“Slán go fóill: Pronounced “slawn guh-foyl.” This is a way to say goodbye to someone that translates to “safety for a while” or something like, “hope to see you soon” or “I can’t wait to see you again!” Maybe you’ll prefer, Hasta; see you soon, Me Amore’s!
**** This concludes, Peach Schnapps! Thank you for reading and please visit again, for more stories, haunted history, and family origin tales with tails. This is a disclaimer for anyone who needs one; this story, people, and places is a work of fiction. Cheers to you & yours ****
Beyond Sirius Sea 