Soothsayer Spins The Wheel

“The origins are straightforward: a soothsayer is someone who says sooth”. Not clear enough? “Here, provided for our entertainment (this gloriously, spectacular, November, sunny, afternoon) informative uses, are all the possible meanings and translations of the word soothsayer; One who tells the truth; a truthful person”. “Etymology: From sothsaier, zothziggere, equivalent to; One who predicts the future, using magic, intuition or intelligence; a diviner”.

“Sooth is an archaic word meaning “truth” or “reality” that dates from Old English and was used until about the first half of the 17th century.” “(It is believed to share an ancestor with words suggesting truthfulness and reality in Old Norse, Greek, Old High German, Sanskrit, Latin, and Gothic languages.)” “Soothsayer itself has been documented in print as far back as the 14th century.”

The answer to the question, what is, exactly, a soothsayer isn’t as easily defined nowadays. First, the word is never used, unless to invoke an old-timey movie in the horror indie genre. Summon an otherworldly sorcerer; I mean the mind can conjure all sorts of things (Delphi). Or stumble into one down-town rushing to your car, right after work. Might even be that new procedure, your dentist spoke of, while under Novocain.

One thing is for sure: it’s not spoken well of, pertaining to history. You could spend a lifetime researching the why’s; I have spent most of mine, doing such that. Not a bad way to expand on one’s learning. I could fly you all over the world for incredible, mystifying, unbelievable, and undefinable instances, throughout all time, but we have only a few more weeks till this year is a wrap. I’m praying next year goes off without a hitch.

Another wasted but oh so fun past-time, reading one’s horoscopes. I have always been entertained and intrigued, even with the knowledge, that said “predictions” couldn’t possibly “be”. The stars we wish upon every night in our heavenly skies, are projections from likely a million years ago, give or take a few. We are actually looking up and into the past! Many of those stars have already perished! If that doesn’t blow your mind?

“Light is undoubtedly very fast, it travels at a pace of 300,000 kilometers per second, but still, it takes some time to travel from one place to another”. “For example, it takes 8 minutes for the light from the sun to reach the earth”. “This phenomenon also applies to the light reaching us from the moon”. “Similarly, we are able to see the light reflected from the stars that don’t exist now”!

“The nearest known star to the Sun is the Alpha Centauri triple-star system, and light takes more than four years to get from there to here.” “Every star you see in the night sky is bigger and brighter than our sun.” “During a clear night, with the naked eye you can see up to 19,000,000,000,000,000 miles away, very easily.” I have an astigmatism and nearsightedness, so I usually see blots and smudges; but sparkly and oh so beautiful!

“The bigger the star, the shorter is its life; this is true, because larger stars consume their energy at a faster rate than the smaller ones.” “There are around 200 billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy alone.” (sheesh) “The twinkling effect is merely the light from the star passing through the Earth’s atmosphere, and it is merely deflecting the light before it reaches your eyes.”

Regardless, I still wonder then, why the field of study? Today, people do not rely upon or trust in astrology in the same way that the ancient Babylonian kings, Mayan, the Magi, and Roman Emperors did, but basic knowledge of the zodiac is extremely widespread. “There are few people today who do not know their star sign, and plenty of people once again believe that Mercury, Venus and the other planets influence the world”. “Astrology’s history is not finished yet, and based upon its steady comeback, perhaps the stars will regain the influence once ascribed to them once more”.

“In Western astrology, astrological signs are the twelve 30-degree sectors that make up Earth’s 360-degree orbit around the Sun.” “Astrology is a pseudoscience. “Scientific investigations of the theoretical basis and experimental verification of claims have shown it to have no scientific validity or explanatory power.” “According to astrology, celestial phenomena relate to human activity on the principle of “as above, so below”, so that the signs are held to represent characteristic modes of expression.” “Modern discoveries about the nature of celestial objects have undermined the theoretical basis for assigning meaning to astrological signs, and empirical scientific investigation has shown that predictions and recommendations based on these systems are not accurate”. ~ Wikipedia

Do ya feel, lucky? Well, do ya? Might as well take a peek at yours! I promise, they’re for fun only. I’ve been labeled before as psychic. Just because a person uses, common sense, intuitiveness, piggy-no-how, and comprehension; doesn’t necessarily mean they have extrasensory abilities. Sure, would be nice. Studies have shown, are species is much more adaptable at solving “other peoples” problems, and not our own.

Believe, you, me; if I had said capabilities, we’d be having a much different conversation. Maybe talk of murals on the ceiling of the exact date you want displayed before you every night while you dream. So below, just spoofs on the zodiac horoscopes for your enjoyment. I believe we need to lighten up for the remainder of this year. Don’t take ourselves so seriously. To our own defense, we’ve all undergone a tremendous era and I am exceptionally proud of all of us for weathering and enduring trying and pressing times. We shall overcome! Our futures so bright; we’re going to need shades!

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
“There is an old saying that “loose lips, sink ships”.  “What does this have to do with you?   Nothing”! “Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they’re going to find fame on a chat board.” “You like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon”. “You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously”. “Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower”. “Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens or being the victim of a government conspiracy”. “It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader”. “Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts”. “It’s no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range”. “This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won’t get you arrested”. “Ugh, is it necessary to excavate whatever ruins there are in order to find Scorpio’s humor”?
Do you have to be the center of the universe all of the time?

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
“You are just downright goofy”.  “Definitely one of the funny zodiac signs, Sag gets so into being funny that they find it hard to stop”. “That’s the thing with Sagittarians: they just don’t know when to stop, and the kicker here is that they eventually stop being funny and STILL don’t know when to stop”. Sagittarians are born adventurers! “They’re the kind too try to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out”. “They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way”. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and complete strangers. “Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts”. “Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian”. “The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.” The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. Gobbles!

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
“You have a tendency to be a hard worker and spend many hours at the office”.  “Too bad you aren’t any good at your job”! “Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell”. “They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur”. “They are often good at math.” “Sure, they overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can’t overcome being a Capricorn”. “Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes”. “Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don’t involve equations”. “They love to be seen talking on their cell phones.” “Stay classy, Capricorn!”

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
“Keep telling yourself that the goofy outfit you are wearing will come back in style”. “However, go buy a new outfit before you join the rest of us in the real world”. “It’s a fun day in Aquarius land.” “Another pass.” “It’s hard to think that there are people in the world who are absolutely humorless, but Aquarians take the gold on this one”. “No one laughs less or has less fun than Aquarius”. “Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia’s image in their Fruit Loops at least once.” “Aquarians use the phrase “Dude, man…” frequently when describing philosophical concepts”. “Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis”. “If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless”. “Aquarians like astronomy because they’ve been to all those places”. “If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius”. “Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don’t think twice about it.” “Most rock stars are Aquarians.”

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
“Something seems fishy about you today”. “Usually what gets Pisces to shine in terms of funniness, laughter and good humor is in making fun of others”. “They’re pretty good at it too, and they love to work in that, “I’m such a nice person and you all know this about me” act, so that every horrible insult they say seems like a sweet little “oopsy!” “Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue”. “This would be great if you were trying to be funny”. “Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry”. “On hikes, Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper”. “Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke”. “They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans.” “Pisceans say far too much and do whatever they want!”

Aries (March 21 – April 19) “Aries rarely say one thing and do another.” “They usually do the wrong thing and don’t discuss it”. “Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses.” “Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted”. “Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives”. “Aries are never born”. “Aries always hold management positions.” Oh, excuse me, “Your rams’ horns are in everyone else’s business!” “Humor is obvious with you”. “Your friends know you as the joker in the crowd, and while you’re super intelligent, you’re also a non-stop narrator who embellishes stories.”

Taurus (April 20-May20)
“Expect to be bloated and full of gas today!”  “Simply put, nobody is going to want to hang around you!” “If you want to die of laughter, find your Taurus buddy and make them cheer your tired booty up, because that is what this sign does”. “This is the Cheer You Up sign, and they usually go the route of the profane”. “You are brooding emotion incarnate”. “One minute you’re up, the next you’re down, the next you’ve shot your favorite newscaster.” “Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards”. “They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general”. “The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened.” “However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best”. All Taureans want to be God. “Taureans are impatient and pushy”. “They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to”.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
“Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic”. “You like to think that you are a half and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo.” “You are progressive, outgoing”, and the life of every party! “Geminis are always on some sort of medication”. “This medication is not always legal”. “Gemini is Latin for “I’m okay, I’m okay.” “Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard”. “This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves”. Stay woke Gemini!

Cancer (June 21-July22)
“Most people will think that you are annoying, but you already knew that.” “Pass, “Cancers are not funny; and when they try, they’re even less funny.” “You like to know what’s going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy”. “However, you tend not to know what’s going on in your own”. “If you are lucky, your friends will tell you”. “Cancerians only get dressed because they have to.” “Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time”. “Despite your need to be everyone’s savior, you need no social interaction”. “Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch.” “Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts.” “However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time.”

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
“Rumors will fly around the office that you are a Hotty!”  “If it isn’t true then don’t worry about it.” “If it is true then give em your number!” “Leo can and will have you laughing your tushy off.” “Leo loves to make you laugh, as they see it as a reflection of themselves.” “Nerve is key here, so don’t expect the laughs to be anything less than brazen, ridiculous and in your face”. “You will grab attention in any way you possibly can.” There isn’t a mirror, you don’t like or feel the need to gaze upon oneself, admirably. “People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo.” “All Leos want parades on their birthdays”. “Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them”. “In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo.” “However, “radical cult leader” is not out of the question”. “Leos like to start fights with Aries”. Better get that self-portrait up and ready, year’s almost over!

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
“Plan on being a virgin for another year”. “Virgo isn’t all bad; in fact, when it comes to severe put downs and instilling in you a sense of doom, dread and worthlessness, they are terrifically talented, and the death throttle you’ll come to experience is what they like to refer to as “comedy.” “You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet”. “No Virgo in history has ever belched”. “Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily.” “Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs.” Do you see anything down there; you’ve got me curious!? “Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts.” “The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too”. “It is easy to freak out a Virgo; tell them they have something between their teeth.” “Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius.” “Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you”. “They’ll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece”. “Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer”. “Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside”. “Don’t put cheese where it doesn’t belong in a Virgo’s refrigerator”.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
“People find you boring”.  “As a matter of fact, I’m already bored with you and don’t plan on finishing this senten.c..e.” “Libras are trendy and malleable folks”. “They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable”. “Velour is not entirely lost upon these people”.  “They have huge collections of CDs they’ve never even listened to”. “Libras give to designer charities; Hollywood is full of Libras”. “You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback”. “You probably never threw out your old pairs; hang on to your outworn Winger t-shirt too”. “Only a Libra, “will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait.” “In other words, don’t expect more from Libra than what they’re able to give, which is a good, clever quip and a fast removal of themselves from the scene”. “Laugh and run!”

Special Thanks: Horoscopes by Gary the Fairy, Your Tango .com, & Conscious Reminder .com Wikipedia, Merriam-Webster / Greece, Rome, Egypt, Persia, Babylonia & The rest of The World! This concludes Soothsayer Spins The Wheel. Hope you enjoyed & Till we meet again ~ Farewell & God Bless !!

And this concludes our journey through the zodiac, horrible and inaccurate horoscopes, mystics from mythical nebulas of fabulous, otherworldly, galactic origins, and this post, Soothsayer Spins The Wheel. Wherever you are on the wheel, path, or exquisite journey; I hope this finds you as hearty as a Leo, stealthy like a Scorpio, bright as a Gemini, balanced as a Virgo, and determined as a Bull! As always, Godspeed to you and yours!