Ghost Ride the Whip!

“Ghost riding, frequently used in the context of “ghost riding the whip” (a “whip” being a vehicle) or simply ghostin’, is when a person exits their moving vehicle, and dances beside and around it.” “Ghost riding is also another term used for car surfing, and the term is also occasionally used to describe a moving vehicle with no occupant.” Got in trouble for this a few times, inexplicably, disputedly, and illegally. “The practice originated in Northern California, specifically the Bay Area”, states Wikipedia; but the “practice” alive and well a decade or more prior to 2006 and definitely before the “whiplash” of Lil Jon, telling me where to go!”

While I was trying too party like it was 1999, my haunted Ford Taurus had other plans in mind for my demise. My previous “whip”, a Thunderbird, aptly named Silver Bullet, had ended its wrath of speed demons and terror, during a rainstorm on slick black-ice. Metallica blaring from my speakers; slid and screeched, landing, “bass-akwards” in a ditch outside Folsom.

After the devastation and “total-loss” wreckage, I had an uphill climb of one monstrous mountain ahead. I needed a couple ton vessel, to travel to school and my new job at Intel. This Taurus was a used, retired, old cop-car and let me tell you; there’s “perks” to driving a “what appears”, as a police automobile. Unbeknownst to me, an unsuspecting, gullible, naive 22-year-old female, blonde hair, green eyes, and 12? (Not going to say how much I weighed; you don’t hold this driver’s license and I’m insured!).

Luckily, this Ford is “gently used”, low mileage (depends on your definition), “good” condition, automatic, and a 6 cylinder, unlike; “the most notorious criminals in US history, Bonnie and Clyde’s Ford and for whom robbed around a dozen banks, murdered nine police officers as well as a few civilians in the ’30s”. “In 1934, they were driving a stolen Ford V8 when a posse of six officers ambushed and killed them”.

“According to the records, 130 rounds were fired at them and their car, but some say that things didn’t end there”. “The Model 18 V8 was kept in its original condition, and it is now on display in a casino in Nevada”. “According to visitors who got near the car, they experienced a strange and unnatural presence around it, and several people who took photographs noticed some strange shapes and figures in their photos.”

This Ford Taurus, however, did drive the same road as James Dean and his infamous customized Porsche 550 Spyder. The road iconic, scenic, and treacherous for any novice, not-to-mention a for stated curse or possession of this particular spider variety. “James Dean suffered a tragic death in a traffic accident at the height of his fame in 1955 and the car that the actor died in became one of the most famous haunted vehicles ever.”

“The strange story began way back when Dean bought the car”. “Allegedly, actor Alec Guinness warned him that if he entered the car, he would die within seven days”. “Sadly, Guinness’ warning came true.” “Where is the James Dean Porsche today”? “During the car’s journey back to California in 1960, the Porsche mysteriously disappeared during the trip, and it has not been seen since (one roadie says it’s behind a forever brick wall)”. Let’s keep a look-out; there’s a bounty worth a cool mill! I have rear view detection these days and there’s a definite chill in the air this ride. Turning on the seat warmers, foshizzle!

Driving a cop car is better than you think; people get out of your way, and drive safely, always going the speed limit. No one “rides” your a$$, and drivers seem so respectful, all of a sudden. Obeying every traffic signal, and oh, look, slowing down for pedestrians! This “super-power” came in handy upon occasion. Especially, late at night driving home from school or work.

Of course, that’s when I discovered something was really strange about this car. The radio would come on entirely on its own and change channels! I laughed it off, a lot, thinking cross wiring in more ways than one. Plus, I talked to my car, almost as an extension of me, and before the days of Alexa. I was just getting “time” primed. Oddly, the glove box started opening on its own. I told myself, this car has “character”. Who knew; and time for a tune up, I assumed?

I imagine driving a limo, much the same; viewed as an elite luxury vehicle for the dignitaries, or royal passengers being ushered to their, oh such, important meetings, or lavish ceremonies and decadent parties. A very long wheelbase luxury sedan driven by a professional driver is called a stretch limousine. “The word limousine is derived from the name of the French region Limousin”. “However, how the name of the region transferred to the car is uncertain.”

Many limousine rides could be mentioned here along our scenic drive-by. Limo’s stand out and grab the attention of a passersby, like the “showstoppers” they are and maybe shouldn’t be “used” if trying to stay out of view or the public eye. I love tinted windows and a sunroof; an elite and nifty contraption to view the stars. Make a wish, but keep your eyes on the road, ten and two, yo! Not in the case here, “It all started on a day where the Austrian Archduke Franz Ferdinand had just avoided an attempt on his life”.

“Riding in the Graf and Stift limo, the Archduke and his wife were on their way to comfort those in the hospital who were injured in the attempt on his life”. “While they were on the way, the open-air limo stalled in the street.” “An assassin took advantage of the stalled car to shoot the Archduke and his wife, leaving them to die and tipping tensions in Europe over the edge to begin WWI.” “Without the car stalling, the assassination would have never happened, and history might have been much different”. “Of course, the car’s stalling could be attributed to a case of bad luck”. “Yet, the assassination wouldn’t be the last death to happen in the car.” Definitely one hell of a phantom menace of a car and the tires scorched a legendary road ahead, blazed for us all, still!

“World War I or the First World War, often abbreviated as WWI or WW1, was a global war originating in Europe that lasted from 28 July 1914 to 11 November 1918.” “Contemporaneously known as the Great War or “the war to end all wars”, it led to the mobilization of more than 70 million military personnel, including 60 million Europeans, making it one of the largest wars in history, and also one of the deadliest conflicts in history, with an estimated 8.5 million combatant deaths and 13 million civilian deaths as a direct result of the war”. “Resulting genocides and the related 1918 Spanish flu pandemic caused many millions more deaths worldwide.” ~ Wikipedia

Looking out the window from this angle (over the shoulder), things look spookily familiar, and the song on the radio, a faint reminder. Before the days of wi-fi, am radio blasted through the airwaves; ten-four good buddy. Oh, up ahead I see our exit. I need to merge over and a sharp right, we’re headed for a dusty, desolate, gravel road. We’ll talk “shop” with an American writer and his tail of one car, you don’t want to test drive. I have fun test-drive stories to share, but that’s for another day of writing and riding in my Mazda, too NAMM. Hopefully, you’ll stay up all night (8-hour drive to Los Angeles) with me to get lucky and read about how Justin Bieber drag-raced out from our motel room all night in his $100,000 chrome wrapped car!

Finally, capping off this “beater”, haunted car trail; is on a road with the “evilest” car in America. The last one, sounds like a dozy, and a hard to beat nightmarish automobile. “Golden Eagle is a Dodge 330 Limited Edition from ’64 which was first used by the police in Old Orchard Beach, Maine”. “During the car’s career as a police vehicle, three officers drove it”. “Each officer who drove the car ended up committing murder-suicides, where they first murdered their families, then killed themselves”. “The eerie similarities made people wonder if the car was possessing its drivers”.

“The car’s next owner, Wendy Allen, had a similarly spooky experience with the vehicle”. “When Wendy drove on the highway, the car would open its doors without anyone touching them and jam its steering wheel.” “When members of a local church, which claimed the car was possessed by a demon, heard about the car’s reputation, they went out and vandalized the car to attempt to stop it from being used.” “After another tragedy in 2007, the local church members stole the car and chopped it up into small pieces, sending the pieces to multiple junkyards to ensure it was never reassembled”. “As far as we know, the car hasn’t come back”.

If you’re driving up, out of the flames of hell, a four-wheel drive that’s bullet-proof is better suited, to receive an honor; Carlisle Chrysler Nationals gives an award every year to the best Christine look-a-like ever driven and surely inspired by the dodge reincarnated. For entertainment purposes only. “Christine is a horror novel by American writer Stephen King, published in 1983”. “It tells the story of a car (a 1958 Plymouth Fury) apparently possessed by malevolent supernatural forces.”

“Stephen King chose a ’58 Plymouth Fury for Christine because it was a “forgotten car.” I can honestly say, more like an unforgettable, iconic, terrifying, cautionary road and here with us today. From the outskirts of the underworld and at the intersection of horror stories, tragic endings, and hellish automobiles. A smidgeon of truth and a fractured grain of salt infused in every horrific detail, I’m sure lays before us on the asphalt road. A traffic jam of epic, twisted, steel enforced, death traps, or “hell on wheels”.

Better gas up, almost home! Gas prices in 1958, was 30 cents to the gallon. Filler up! Gas attendants’ back in the day would fill your tank, wipe down your windows, check your tire pressure, and check your oil for you. No need to step-out. “Christine made more money than any other actor.” “15% of the movie’s entire budget was spent just on the cars.”

“To simulate the car regenerating itself, hydraulic pumps were installed on the inside of some of the film’s numerous Plymouth Fury “stunt doubles”, a mock-up in plastic that looked more like metal on camera than actual metal as it bent and deformed”. “These pumps were attached to cables, which were in turn attached to the cars’ bodywork and when they compressed, they would “suck” the paneling inwards”. “Footage of the inward crumpling body was then reversed, or rather, played backwards, giving the appearance of the car spontaneously retaking form, instead of imploding.”

“Christine’s voiceover, is actually a Ford (ha; not surprised!).  “All of Christine’s engine sounds were dubbed in from records taken from a 1970 Mustang 428 SCJ”. I thought I recognized a mustang, and driving one is as rough as they sound. Quite extraordinary vehicles, all of them, and through-out time. We’ve come a long way, Roadie! I’ve enjoyed chauffeuring you on this historical trail of haunted automobiles and their fantastical roads. I believe, there’s a fraction of truth to every enormous lie. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be stigmatized property and ghastly over-estimated values. You’d be agas, looking under that hood!

My Taurus was surely possessed and just to gratify your curiosity; yes, the doors did open entirely on their own. My disposition actually changed while the Taurus was in my custody. I was more aggressive and took far more risks, than I ever would normally. My attitude and circumstances plummeted during my ownership, and I do relate that period of time as difficult, arduous, and inhospitable. I can’t sell you this lemon with good conscience and likely it reigns supreme in an abandoned junkyard. It might have made a cameo in the movie, Thirteen Ghosts.

Thank you for visiting these haunted back roads with me today and hopefully, I can talk extended warranties with you next time. This is a disclaimer for anyone who needs one, this story is a hand-crafted, one-of-a-kind, work of fiction, hot off the express line. Glossy finish and an unbeatable price, greets us next time we meet! Safe travels and God Speed with you and yours! Be careful, the Holidays are slick, use your chains, defrosters, and wear your cross and boots, this winter!