Charlatan’s Black Web

Charlotte’s Web, written by E.B. White is a children’s book, published in 1952, by Harper & Brothers and a beloved, impactful story, I still, many decades later, reflect and ponder upon. Not to be confused by the term according to Wikipedia; “A charlatan (also called a swindler or mountebank (*!?*)) is a person practicing quackery or a similar confidence trick in order to obtain money, fame, or other advantages through pretense or deception.”

“Synonyms for charlatan include shyster, quack, poser, or faker. Quack is a reference to quackery or the practice of dubious medicine, including the sale of snake oil, or a person who does not have medical training who purports to provide medical services.” My spidey senses, say stay away! Let’s not confuse the two, however, the black (dark) web refers to encrypted online content that is not indexed by conventional search engines and likely not as “clean” or “pretty” either. However, both, are recluse and just as treacherous! Watch those fingers, footprints, cookies, and words; freedom of speech is valid and true, but all within the confines of the law, is well and good. All is well within my soul, a charm to protect you through “darkness”. A flashlight and the rosary, useful tools.

Light is the key!

“Wilbur is a farm pig who’s terrified that he’ll end up on the dinner table. His friend Charlotte, a charming spider (barn spider variety, Cavatica), comes to his rescue. She weaves words into her web, convincing the farmer that Wilbur is too special a pig to kill.” Warm and fuzzy story to read to children, about the prominent, looming theme of death and how to charm the snares of slaughter, sarcastically speaking.

Zuckerman Farm

While we’re on the subject of webs and ballooning from one place to the next, let’s parasail and waft through the air, like we just don’t care. We’ll accompany, with our 500 plus siblings, to Scotland (“Nemo me impune lacessit”). Great motto, and rightly true and befitting! Ya know, there’s crevices to hideout in “for days”, or generations. There’s enough history and old papers to read, and “shack up” for 3-6 years or thousands more (spiders mortality). I heard “Aragog” (King of the Arachnids) has made “visits” upon being accused of the man-eating variety. I have “knowledge”, of one of his lairs, on the west coast, that will terrify and paralyze you with arachnophobia and nightmares for a lifetime, if your lucky!

Parasailing Away ….

“Animalwised states, the reproduction of spiders is influenced by very different factors. Some reproduce in the fall, and others lay eggs every 2-3 years. How do spiders lay eggs? A few days or even several weeks after copulation, the females lay the eggs.” Pertaining to this story’s predator; “Female black widow spiders hang on their webs belly up and rarely leave it. The female lays her eggs in silken cocoons or sacs that are about a ½ inch around and are white, later turning to pale brown. Usually, about 4 to 9 sacs are produced during the summer with between 20 and 900 eggs per sac.” Now, I’ve definitely got the creepy crawlies, heebie-jeebies!


‘Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,’ is a very ‘Shakespearean’ phrase. Surprise, it is not from Shakespeare. It comes from an early nineteenth century Scottish author, Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832 states Wikipedia). Best selling writer of novels, plays, and poems; this Baronet was a Scottish historical novelist and wrote Lady of the Lake and Marmion. Definitely page turners of pure “fire”, among notable others to “weave” some sense. If ever you find yourself entangled, or spun into a death trap, one must form or devise a plan, quick. Much haste, we must not dilly dally about, for I feel eight eyes, watching every move, I make. Try manifesting a razor to cut away the ties that bind and grip, so deathly, to a wilting vine, called life. Raid, also might come in handy, especially when battling 8 legs to your two!

A Tangled Web We Weave …

Occam’s razor, also known as the principle of parsimony or the law of parsimony (Unusual or excessive frugality; extreme economy or stinginess.) and not the green herb sprinkles on your cheesy garlic pasta (yum). The problem-solving principle that “entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity”. Keep it simple stupid, kiss approach. You noticed I didn’t add a coma, as not to insult anyone. Whereas, I have explicitly heard the contrary, and directed at yours truly. Gotta let it roll, “water off a duck’s back”.

Razor Sharp

“Water off a duck’s back! This expression refers to a potentially harmful remark or situation that has no apparent effect on the person involved. Water has no effect on a duck (they actually like it)!” Sometimes, “easier said, than done.” Don’t you love expressions, ducks, euphemisms, and olden day analogies? I could spend the entire day with you writing about just that; pondering by the pond, the reflection of the cotton candy clouds mirrored by the still of the water’s edge. Only a duck’s wake can break the hypnotic spell of a still pond. I will save it for another day of writing about Rudy’s Hideaway, orb weavers, breadcrumbs and croutons, licensed insurance agents, hurricane Katrina, scripture, real estate, and luaus.

Donald Duck Tales

According to Wikipedia, and life-longer historians, Spoch, and literary “logical” enthusiasts; “It is generally understood in the sense that with competing theories or explanations, the simpler one, for example a model with fewer parameters, is to be preferred. The idea is frequently attributed to English Franciscan friar William of Ockham (c.  1287–1347), a scholastic philosopher and theologian, although he never used these words. Irony, the lovechild of Mr. Hindsight and Lady Perception. This philosophical razor advocates that when presented with competing hypotheses about the same prediction, one should select the solution with the fewest assumptions, and that this is not meant to be a way of choosing between hypotheses that make different predictions.” Duh! “Live long and prosper!”


Wish I could say, pertaining to this story, that my spider was like Charlotte. No, this black widow we’ll name Charlatan, and she went out of her way to hatch a plan, that spun all private, pertinent information online for the world wide web to behold, steal, twist, snare, and extort. Like getting “Pants’d”, but in a really bad part of town, in front of every “skeezy”, shady, ne’er-do-well, on a sleazy corner, late at night. Intended to entrap me to the point of poisoning, paralyzing, and eventually, devouring.


“The venom of the black widow is neurotoxic (affects the nerves; more ways than one) and at least a dozen times more potent than a rattlesnake’s venom, which is hemotoxic (affects the blood).” “However, the spider is very small and would have to get a good grip in order to deliver a lethal bite.” But it does happen, according to smithsonianmag. So, what kills this enemy of my state of being, you ask; praying mantis (geek squad), wasps (Norton), alligator lizards (2-step verification), and you guessed it, other black widows (IC3, FBI, and local law enforcement).

Dark Intention

How to rid yourself of black widow spiders, naturally (
Strong scents. Black widows are rumored to dislike lemon, eucalyptus, tea tree oil, and peppermint. Black widows smell through their feet, and apparently have a very good sense of smell. Charlatan truly recoiled at the looks of a clean house, light, the sun in general, bodies of water, or anything godliness. Vinegar is a black widow killer. Vinegar’s acidity will burn a spider’s body on contact. Now if your black widow is of the human species kind, then scripture works like physical acid (holy water) and give yourself some space to fumigate the premises and the “presence”. Works just like an exorcism! Vacuum, because spiders rely on their webs for both food and shelter, removing webs are your first defense in warding off black widow and other spiders. If the infestation is all consuming, one might need to move locations as a necessity. Spring cleaning early, is my ultimate defense!


“The dark web is a hive (pun intended) for potential harm, too. Anyone exploring this side of the internet does so at their own risk; particularly as one stray link click could result in harmful software or illegal data being transferred onto your computer.
It’s essentially an online version of the black market, only with even shadier characters and practices. It’s likely more people than you imagine have access to the dark web. Activity deep below the surface has increased by more than 300% in just the past three years, and that more than 30% of internet users in North America alone regularly access it. It’s thought that 80% of traffic on the dark web relates to pedophile activity. Therefore, it is never considered a particularly safe place to browse. Dark web users tend to prefer DuckDuckGo over other search engines as it doesn’t track users, whereas engines such as Google and Bing, do (Thank you”

Bee Smart

Change your passwords, change your world! Never allow anyone close to your private information, and if your identity is stolen, make proactive steps to secure your safety and your data’s safety. Lock it up tight, in a vault (Lifelock). A tad more from Wikipedia states, “Identity theft deliberately uses someone else’s identity as a method to gain financial advantages or obtain credit and other benefits, and perhaps to cause other person’s disadvantages or loss (that’s an understatement).” See actual crime statistics, mail fraud, malice, character assassination, the wrath of every ex scorned, restraining orders, stalking, and ultimately locked behind bars, or “trapped” under a “jar”. I guess it’s better than squished under a shoe!

Change Your Clocks, Passwords, & World!

“Personally identifiable information generally includes a person’s name, date of birth, social security number, driver’s license number, bank account or credit card numbers, PINs, electronic signatures, fingerprints, passwords, or any other information (photos, letters, digital memorabilia) that can be used to access a person’s financial resources.”

Hands In The Air

The person whose identity has been stolen may suffer adverse consequences (financial and spiritual devastation, loss of family and friends, isolation and abandonment, and mind-numbingly hopelessness, i.e., depression), especially if they are falsely held responsible for the perpetrator’s actions.” By the way, dangling over your shoulder, and hanging from the rafters, ready to drop on your neck, and bite you!

Jesus Loves You

In this corner wedge, crafted among everything else mentioned and piled behind those stacked newspapers, stolen photos, and the corpses of the countless other examples of humans being preyed upon; “California Penal Code 530.5 PC makes it a crime to take another person’s personal identifying information and use it in any unlawful or fraudulent manner. Identity theft is a wobbler, meaning the charges can be filed as either a misdemeanor or a felony.

Justice For All or Just Us?

A conviction is punishable by 3 years in jail or prison.” I’m told for each offense and rising to 10 years. My black widow, Charlatan, will be with her kind, far more years than 8 or 9, behind steel enforced bars and bullet proof glass, shackled and cuffed, guarded from society, numbered, no looking back. Stalking and cyberstalking add additional charges up to five years and 250,000 dollars. Life behind bars, if I weren’t typing this very post.

Death Row

Believe, you, me, if I had it my way, we’d be a world apart physically speaking, since we are in every other way. Not sure how I ever escaped. Maybe my Chinese zodiac has something to it, and my lucky charm for making daredevil leaps of faith, escaping death defying schemes, hellish traps, and devised snares.

A World Away ….

“In the Chinese culture, the rabbit is known to be the luckiest out of all the twelve animals. It symbolizes mercy, elegance, and beauty. People who are born in the year of the rabbit are calm and peaceful. They avoid fighting and arguing at all times but are artistic and have good taste in life. This is why they pay close attention to small details and make sure everything is done correctly. Rabbits represent kindness, courage, and strength. They are very goal-driven and are careful with their next moves. Rabbits are intelligent, and they will do everything at their best, which makes them good scholars. In the Vietnamese zodiac, a cat is in place of the rabbit.”

Waskily Wabbit

My father would explain to me, it’s the scorpion and the frog. This was to try and help me understand, why people, hurt good people. The Russian fable describes the relationship between an idealistic frog (me) and a malicious scorpion, who despite their hesitations, can’t reject their primal nature.” I don’t know about you, but I’m going the way of the hare, who *poof* like magic, back in the magicians’ hat, transported to a better place in time. Hocus pocus, metamorphose!

Thank you for spending time with this floppy eared, bun bun, in Charlatan’s black web, this very March, Sunday afternoon. I hope to see all eyes, going forward are positive, respectful, bountiful, and hopeful. More bunny tales with tails to hop through and gardens to nibble, while we playfully bound. This is a disclaimer for anyone who needs one; this story is a work of woven webs, completely fictional. A few more weeks of lent and cottontails, before we go hopping down the bunny trail for Easter eggs. God be with you, bunnies!

Change your Clocks, the easy way or the hard way & good Adieu to You

Published by SiriusSea

Many moons ago and in a faraway land, I used to write about all things wonderous to the world and I am back to stir the seven seas of wonderment once more. As the storms pass through, I set my compass and my sights upon and beyond Sirius Sea! Welcome aboard!

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