50 Ways To Lose Your Blubber

“Let me tell you a story; Picture this!” (Imagined and beloved voice of Sophia from Golden Girls); epic late summer concert of royal proportions, all stars out glorious night skies, and a buffet at the ritzy skyline restaurant atop the famous, now closed Arco Arena, Sacramento California. Many silver, blue, and blood moons ago and bodacious buffets to boot; a young, super-cute couple, homegrown from their same hometown, raced to the famous amphitheater to see Sir Paul McCartney, arguably at times, but their favorite Beatle!

“Get it while you’re young, baby.”

Not the last time “seeing” royalty, but most assuredly the first “encounter” of the outer limits and magnificence, spellbinding, music manna are the first words that come to mind. Before we’re ushered to our balcony seats for the best concert ever, I have a buffet to mention. If you’re like me, the food is equally important and definitely runs tandem with the soundtrack of my childhood. I still can’t pass a corndog stand and not think of Styx, but that’s another day writing about summer, wonky flip-flops, gum in ponytails, cotton-candy coated fingertips, deep-fried twinkies, fairs, fireworks, the renaissance, giants, the service industry, and microbiology.

“A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope,
And this is what they said
They said
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me”

Parked in no-man’s land and arrived early, that’s how I roll. Being prepared for anything, assuming everything, makes for one magical mysterious tour through my memories, I have to share with you. Actually “called” the space station and sang Good Day Sunshine to our astronauts. Felt like we went to space for those heavenly few minutes and the closest I will ever be to out-of-this-world, galactically speaking and for this story. Back to Earth, Sunday, and this musical gem of a tale …

“I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I’ve got something I can laugh about
I feel good, in a special way
I’m in love and it’s a sunny day”

Climbed the mountain of stairs (that’s a blast to your quads) to the prestigious skyline restaurant, where we were greeted by a friend quickly to our table, next to a massive fireplace. Pete, was beyond busy, but excited to see us, and said “The stars are out tonight!” I’m kinda shy and well reserved but couldn’t help but glimpse the very expensive looking surroundings. And no prices on the menu! No doubt, this will surely max out my $300 credit limit. My expression must have shown, and my equally discombobulated better half said, “This is complimentary, you can relax.”

“You burn 11 calories per minute climbing stairs at a fast pace.”

Relax, is not something I’m good at, but here’s an environment I can get used to. A bustling restaurant, heavenly music, an enormous buffet with no lines, I’m all ready and all-in for this next endeavor. We waited for our drinks and laughed about how expensive a few sips of cola, mostly ice, costs today and admired the ingenuity of what it takes to build a fireplace a couple hundred feet up from the ground. Laughed about how I would have to exit the arena if the elevators didn’t work (use of my bum one step down at a time). Seriously, one can lose their bearings looking downward. Heights aren’t my jam, but my Kodachrome camera loves them!

“When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school
It’s a wonder I can think at all
And though my lack of education hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world’s
A sunny day, oh yeah”

A gentleman was just seated behind me and in perfect view of my fiancée, who whispered, “Is that Paul Simon?” I know Paul Simon, I thought to myself. My entire childhood was raised listening to Simon and Garfunkel, among a million more. Would sing with my dad in the van, bridge over trouble waters at the top of our lungs. Almost an exact replication of said masterful song. I snuck a quick look behind me, “nonchalantly” (trying to be inconspicuous). Gazed upon the distinguished looking man sitting alone and said with certainty, “Nope, that’s not him.” It was!

“Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind”

Built up the courage to “hit” the buffet and stood right in-line behind Paul Simon for dinner. You wouldn’t know that a complete legend was before me and all I could say was, “who puts garbanzo beans on a salad?” This was long before my love of hummus emerged. We all had commentary regarding preferences and buffet etiquette, and I refrained from expressing my newfound statistics regarding bacteria, human contact, and deadly infections. No, my name is not Debbie, nor am I usually a “downer”. I guess that depends on who you are gossiping too or about. That’s how rumors get started. But if you want to be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal.

“Remember, you were brought up a lady. Keep both feet on the floor.”

Phenomenal dinner and exquisite company must be on cloud 9 or something! Back-to-back awesome favorites, I’m still dancing on air with every song retraced through memory. Live and let die, was off-the-chain magnificence! Thrilling, enchanting, and musical brilliance while rhyming perfectly with time. In fact, time sat in his seat, shuffled his feet, and sang along with Sir Paul McCartney in perfect beat. Harmony was there flipping her hair!

“I got my mind set on you
It’s gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It’s gonna take patience and time, mmm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right, child”

All I have to do is dream and this little Suzy is right back to that concert of dreaminess once again. Homeward bound on my mind and where on Earth did, I leave my loyal steed (Nissan) (see Ghost Ride The Whip for reference and dear reverence to and for “Trooper”)? Almost had this car so “trained”, I could have whistled, and she come.

“Homeward bound
I wish I was homeward bound
Home, where my thought’s escapin’
Home, where my music’s playin’
Home, where my love lies waitin’ silently for me”

The entire arena filled with people singing, swaying, and reminiscing. Normally, I’m not one for crowds and found, outside the arena, a hideaway spot to rummage through my purse, locate my cell and keys. Thinking, if I find my car sooner rather than later, I won’t be in a pile-up of traffic trying to inch home. Just then, a group of guys in the not-far-off distance came out a back door walking towards one of those giant black tour busses.

“Oh, no
You say goodbye
And I say hello
Hello, hello
I don’t know why you say goodbye I say hello!”

It was Paul McCartney and he waved right at me! I said to my fiancée, “Oh, no way, that’s Paul McCartney waving at us!” My fiancée yelled and waved back alerting anyone in ear shot, that a Beatle was in our presence. I’ve only seen documentaries and video showing the swarms of humans that chased the Beatles, and out of the corner of my peripheral vision, I side-eyed a mob of people running and mad-dashing straight in my direction and the unmistakable sounds of a stampede.

“When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self-assured
Now I find I’ve changed my mind; I’ve opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being ’round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me?”

I felt like Brendan Frasier in The Mummy and quickly stated, “Time to go!” Never had I started running like before and was laughing while slightly panicking. One if I can’t find my car, and then I realized, they weren’t “after me”; this time!” Actually, played chase on the freeway with both Paul’s, till these “honking” Pumpkin’s turned off Mather Field exit and headed home before midnight.

“Cinderella: Why, it’s like a dream. A wonderful dream come true.
Fairy Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I’m afraid this can’t last forever. You’ll have only ’til midnight, and then…
Cinderella: Midnight? Oh, thank you.
Fairy Godmother: Oh, now, now, now, now, now, just a minute. You must understand, my dear: On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before.”

This concludes 50 ways to lose your blubber and I can’t recommend enough going to a concert for calorie busting proportions, listening to the Beatles for elevation of your moods, or any reason, walking with nature and the sounds of “silence”, heavenly salad bars, and chair lifts of inspiring feats. Running up or down stairs will definitely increase that heart rate, along with drum solos in your seat. Music can move mountains, so turn up those beats and get moving those feet!

“You know my motto: Today could be the last day of the rest of your life.”

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To lose your blubber

She said it’s really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To lose your blubber

Slip on track shoes, Jack
Make a new diet plan, Stan
You don’t need soy, Roy
Just listen to me
Walk instead of the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Exercise is the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To lose your blubber

“In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” Thank you, love forevermore, and forever grateful to Paul McCartney

Published by SiriusSea

Many moons ago and in a faraway land, I used to write about all things wonderous to the world and I am back to stir the seven seas of wonderment once more. As the storms pass through, I set my compass and my sights upon and beyond Sirius Sea! Welcome aboard!

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